Hello. It’s been a while, I know. For kicks, let’s spend ten minutes inside my head this morning. It’s 5:19 am. There’s coffee and Klonopin and a healthy dose of hormone replacement therapy. This may be the crappiest thing to ever come from this space but the whirling dervish in my crazy lady brain needs to vacate and where better?
Has anyone else noticed that sometimes life doesn’t ask politely, but rather demands attention? It seems that mine has an uncanny knack for pouring instead of raining and the start of 2016 has not disappointed in the area of shit storms.
It began with puddles of water in closets, slowly but certainly trickling from underneath the baseboards after who knows how many minutes, hours, days, months (you get the picture) that pinhole in the shower valve had been leaking. So now there is a gaping hole in the wall that used to house the gorgeous mahogany built-in bookshelves which, if I’m being honest, sold this house. I guess I should have been more concerned with the plumbing.
And homeowners’ insurance is bullshit.
The air in here is so dry and the noise is driving me out of my mind. If I’m being honest, that’s really not a big leap. I feel like an ass complaining when there are bigger things – much, much bigger things not mine to tell. But, LORD BABY JESUS!, the noise and the mess. Not to mention the mold-free, hepa-filtered air blows out of the plastic encased room through an enormous tunnel that looks like a giant floating penis, a fact not lost on my twelve and thirteen year old kids.
My son will be twelve this week. My baby boy whose latest pair of cleats is a men’s size nine and a half! What tha?? He’s going to outgrow me soon and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
It is really, really raining this morning. It was wonderful during the night but now that I’m thinking about going out in it this morning, I’m not sure I like it all that much. But I’m going because I need that mouth guard ($200, really?) I’m supposed to pick up today. Every time my jaw locks up I panic with the thought my mouth may never open again. Ever.
Blessing or curse? I guess that depends who you ask.
I miss my people, the ones who may or may not read this and the ones who do will think they should make plans to visit me on Sundays when they let me out of my little padded room for fifteen minutes. I wonder if that’s how it actually goes?
I should probably start making that gratitude list I’ve put off. Just throwing these thoughts to the wind I am judging myself. But, oh how I have missed doing this. Just writing. Writing. Writing absolutely nothing at all. It is freeing and therapeutic and hopefully what my exhausted mind needs today.
That and the gratitude list.
And Peyton Manning to win the Superbowl ring because it’s probably his last hurrah. Sadly, I’ve watched Cam Newton this season and I guess I may have live satisfied with the fact that he made it to the big game.
With that thought the timer on my phone tells me that my time is up. Ten minutes are definitely not long enough but any more would just scare people.
Photo credit: flicker.com